I still remember when we first met and you told me your name after we had spoken 100 times on the phone. Or that Surf Tour when i found out that you were funny but an awfull surfer. Or the 3rd time i saw you and i stole your beer and we talked all night long.
But i also remember when you left me in the midle of the dance floor and simple walked away. I also remember all the times you said how annoying was my voice. I still remember all the times you were rude and made me feel like a tiny, useless creature!
And then again all the times you made me smile or laugh. That time we played in the rain or that time we danced or when i stole your beer again. And all the times we picked on each other making no sence at all and the ones we were actually able to talk.
I remember everything and i try so hard to not think about it but when i feel more emotional and thinking about relationships you know what’s the first thing that pops in my mind? That time when i was dancing with another guy and i saw you through the window staring at me and smiling thinking” isn’t she amazing”…..this was somehow a image from the future and it was strange how it came out of nowhere but it was like a vision. That vision of you admiring me and loving me for who i am is the one thing i think about when we talk about relationships and future.
And as i’m writing this i realized that it was that image and that thought of you loving me for who i was that made me fight for myself and get my shit together. Because one can only love me for who i am once i know it.
Until this moment i only knew that you somehow made me find myself and fight for me and noone only. you made me realize how broken i was and that i needed to fix it for myself but i never knew why or how in the world was that possible because you did nothing to make it happen.
But now…writting this i find that the thought of someone loving me for i am was impossible because i haven’t find myself. And i want that! i want someone to love me. And that was why you made me change…because of the thought of loving me for who i am.
Thank you so much! For sure i don’t know the future but i do know that you changed me for good and you have no idea